what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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