I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So here I am, sexting at work.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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