How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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