I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
