Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
