oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Buhtt sex?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
