my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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