I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
