I think I just saw someone hide a body.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
