Sponge bath it is.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
