Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
