Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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