My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
