WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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