i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
