There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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