it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
