pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
