Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it was like eating out sand paper
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He passed out mid-signature
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
