I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Randomize
