she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
