She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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