Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
