Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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