haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
