I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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