i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
