just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
