Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
