I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
