i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
