I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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