Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
