Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
