At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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