I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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