Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
