I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
