There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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