Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
