dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
