So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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