I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
