Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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