I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
