my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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