Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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