My first STD was from a foam party
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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