batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
