This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
