thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
