I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
